I just wanna have some fun!

You know why people like comedians? Cause they say the shit that we are thinking and cant say cause we're scared. I talk a ton of shit. I am personally hard to offend so I cant understand why so many people get offended so easily. Some of what I say is for my own entertainment.. and of course yours. I am so glad that you enjoy reading my craziness and appreciate that I am so honest. I am going to be censoring even less since I am getting egged on. I will know I was successful when I start getting mail about going too far. If you take me personal, that is YOUR problem.. don't be a bitch and don't think you are that important. Unless I say your name in here it probably has nothing to do with you. And as long as you don't have a middle name.. you may not be safe. That said, yes there are certain experiences on my mind and maybe a person or two. I do have a life that I do have to play this off of or there would be no 'Meantime'. Kyle, you were a horrible kisser and therefore.. no there will not be another date.
There.. now that I offended Kyle and about 2 dozen other people we can go on.

Before you think that I'm just a sex crazed maniac, let me assure you I am BUT that has nothing to do with me writing about it. I write about it cause I can for one and its fun. I shouldve been the Dr. Ruth of my generation. Again.. I missed my calling. I write about dating and relationships cause its another thing we all have going on and can relate to. I have gone through a lot of growing pains and just enjoy sharing my insight. Plus, like Ive said.. if I can get one more person to be less of an asshole and think twice.. cool. As much as I feel I know about what woman want (ok, just me), I don't really know what men want. I am a little stumped. My last relationship just flowed out of the gate. That kind of connection is magic.. there is no guess work. I have dealt with so many different personalities with men but the one thing I always come back to thinking about is.. how is this guy dicken me around? Is he just calculatingly telling me what I want to hear. More times than not.. yes, he is! Omgosh, I hate that! Because I always want to believe that people think the way I do I assume they all tell the truth but of course know better. Why should anyone want to bs what they think you want to hear? That just seems so exhausting. If I say.. really, you don't have to sugar coat and bs me.. I mean it! I am nice to people but I don't go over the top.. when I give a compliment its not half hearted. People that know me can attest to that. You know where you stand with me. I am genuine. No I'm not going to stroke your ego so you like me. Do you feel special when the trainer in the gym tells you you have the best physique in there, then over hear him say it to the next person? How would you feel if the hottest woman in the gym told you how you have the most beautiful eyes but also told your training partner the same exact thing? I have had some hard lessons with peoples sincerity. Its not like I haven't heard my share of kiss ass compliments over the years. Now days I can tell the difference between the real ones and the half hearted. Then, unfortunately that leads me to questioning everything anyone says. I know that that can look pathetically weak and insecure. Which I'm not (yes I am).. but I am watching my back while I'm calling you on your shit so I can get the air clear. If I don't watch my back and then you pull some shit over on me.. you best be watching your back.. ya feel me?
This is whats nice about not being desperate and confident in yourself. You don't feel the need to let shadiness or insincerity slide.. you and your backbone stand up straight and let them know exactly where you stand without fear of rejection. But when you really, really like someone you may be in some trouble. We tend to do somethings out of our character or comfort zone for someone that really floats our boat. Our affections can be taken advantage of and abused if they are towards a mean spirited person that doesn't feel the same. So don't tell someone that you know is head over heals for you that you feel the same cause you don't want to hurt their feelings! If you had a lick of common sense you would know that that is only going to hurt more in the long run. I believe that is why so many people settle also. Its safe. Rejection hurts like hell when you are face to face with the only one you want. The person that brings out the animal in you and the passion that you never knew you had can make you vulnerable and that is a scary place to be. You will say things to that person that you would not normally say cause they bring out the 'good' crazy in you.. and wow, does it feel good! You will open up and put in more effort. All of a sudden you are a little.. desperate. After all, those people don't come along but once in a blue moon and you better hold on. If you don't at least try you may be left with nothing but regret. In this case though.. 'try' isn't even needed cause it just comes naturally. Even now after having my heart shattered I will not run away from the chance to feel that kind of passion again. Broken hearts are repairable, to some extent. It just may take what seems like eternity to put it back together. Patience, and yup.. work. I have a huge heart and I wear it on my sleeve so mine breaks regularly.

People do what works, right? If their situation.. in whatever, work, marriage, relationships is getting them by they aren't going to take the measures needed to change it when they know change could result in some painful lows.. no matter how good the outcome of persevering through may be. Addicts have this conflict. They know they are not in a good, healthy situation with their addiction but it is working for them cause they are blissfully fucked up. To get clean would mean painful struggle although the end result is by far ideal for where they want to be. I was very happy being fucked up cause I didn't have to go through the pain of feeling my worst fears. I also knew cleaning up would be a horribly long road of struggle. Obese people are the same. We love being stuck in our shit. Its a comfort zone no matter how painful and UNconfortable it actually is! WTF? Its cause you don't even know how horrible that so called comfort zone is till you step out of it and look around at all the other paths to take to expand yourself. Sometimes it takes rock bottom to tire of being stuck in shit. That is where I found my open heart and mind. It sure wasn't in my mess of selfishness and addiction. You can rarely make you and everyone else happy at once. You have to live with you so fuck everyone else. Everyone else not being your close personal loved ones, ok? I do advocate that you should do as many kind things for people as possible, your family at the top of that list but not if it puts you in an uncomfortable spot personally. You can be selfless and giving of yourself without compromising YOU. You keep what you give away. :) Just don't give it all away. I had so many people telling me to not be angry.. that its too negative, get over this or move on.. that I didn't know what to do! Guess what.. your feelings and emotions ARE valid! I can guarantee you that. Unless you are a psychopath then you're just an asshole that deserves no validation only a padded cell and maybe a psychiatrist.

So yeah.. guys, WFT? You're a mess! I really don't know what you want. Messed up part is.. I even ask. What do you want? For being such simple creatures you are awfully complicated and indecisive. I think thats actually saying lazy and making it sound fancy. I ask for whatever I want now even if it is for something as simple as wanting to know what you want! Because I am older now and I don't have the patience for games and drama.. I don't pussy foot around. Yes, I said pussy foot and no I don't know what that means (but it is a little provocative, right? lol). People need to just say what the want and let it be known. If you don't know what you want then why are you shopping? Get your ass home and read a book.. or knit a sweater. To my bodybuilders.. go back to the gym to work on your lats cause you will desperately need those at 72 (but not as much as you need to do something about those legs NOW). Then theres the guys that you can tell them what you want and they get defensive. Like they are trying to defend their right to not please you. Huh???? I'm not sure if the guys that just ignore what you ask for are any better. Gentleman, if a woman is truly more important than anything and may be the future mother of your children.. clean the wax out of your ears and remember what it was like before you met her, then envision your future without her. If not.. politely let her know so she can get on with not wasting her life on you. Then you may go crawl back into your hole.
Ok, did I go to far with the last sentence? LOL Nah!

I'm being a little harsh cause I cant even really pinpoint what I want. I'm working it out. I know the general outline like I stated in my last post, but what I am really holding my breath for is a feeling. Yes, a huge percentage of it is physical but how a person is in their personality can carry over to their physical appeal. I personally have to have both. Inner and outer! The inner is what will last 30 years down the road and make you think the outer is still beautiful. When you are pissed that hes working overtime and that is one of the first things you loved was his work ethic.. check yourself.
Ive been really thinking about physical attraction a whole lot. Guys.. why does a woman have to be SO hot? Cant she be just cute as long as she's honest, loyal, kind and attentive? I have felt pressure for years to be above average good looking. I am aware that I am.. attractive but I'm not THAT good looking. I am very confident in the person I am though. I am confident that I have desirable qualities and my character is very strong and pure. I still feel like I am not 'hot' enough and that is more important. How fucked up? After all first impressions are everything. Maybe not though.. I give the example all the time how guys that initially have not found me attractive end up asking me out after being around me a little.
This is another area that I wish everyone else thought like me. I like little flaws in someones looks cause it does make them beautifully unique. There are moments I even like my nose! Yeah.. seriously! But then I try to see myself how other people might see me and I see nothing but flaws cause I'm comparing myself to a strategically chosen and airbrushed ad photos on the newsstand. I don't think physical attraction is as important as men might make it seem. They love talking about how hot the hot chic is as if the average woman is just not adequate, but sure wont complain about banging that average chic. You turds! Grow up.. you ain't all that.;) That is coming from the woman that is like the pickiest. Hmmm?
Well, the only thing I really got out of this is now I really know why I got a C in English 101.. hope you got something more.

HMP