What you cannot get and whatever else..

I'm up way too late.. as usually. Cant sleep. I'm home alone and dancing all over the place. I just ate an obscene amount of ice cream so I gotta burn that shit off! I LOVE music and lately I discover a new song about once a week that I play OVER AND OVER. I enclosed some pics of me entertaining myself. Have a good laugh on me! I have been spending a lot of time by myself which is cool but it does get old. I don't want to get so use to it that that is all I do so I am aware of it and break the pattern here and there. However, I know not to put myself in harmful situations too.
Ive really been thinking about what I do not have that I want this week. This week has been a real kick in the face. I don't like focusing on have nots cause I can lose sight of gratitude. Ive done it before. I have learned to live without most of what I was use to the last two years, survival. Now I'm not so content that I am seeing the possibilities and its SO close yet I still cant touch it. I know we can all agree that there have been times we want something so bad and it is just not going to happen. Or maybe its just that we don't see the possibilities and give up too soon. I tend to think its laziness. I am a persistent shit when I reeeeeally want something though. Maybe we don't really want it all that bad. I thought I wanted that Olympia title, but guess not all that bad. I wanted it for the wrong reasons. I lost sight of a 12 year old girl that thought it would be amazing to be a Ms. Olympia. I didn't make clear goals for it. I preach now about having conviction cause I had lost mine for years and I don't want anyone else to go through that sad lull of confusion. And I fucking hate people sitting on the pot. Shit already! Being wishy washy about your desires will leave you very disappointed and unsatisfied in 20 years with no way of turning back the clock. No one deserves to be as lost as I was.
I got a lot of responses to my earlier post on this and I was sad to see how many people have things they want and say they cant have but what I saw was.. why not? The wants didn't sound unobtainable to me. Don't limit yourself on something that IS possible! You aren't on death row wanting to go to a Rolling Stones concert! That may be a tough one.
I am all about positive thinking and going after whatever it is that you want.. believing anything can happen. I am a fighter. I have a couple of situations completely out of reach and out of my control right now and it makes me furious. Ive also lived real life without the heavy fog of bullshit and its not always cherries no matter how positive you are. Shit happens.. right? Be proactive and keep going. The biggest life struggles will be your most influential time of growth. TRUE! Unless you choose to ignore.. that's on you. I can look at life at every angle, especially with my current clarity. I have self sabotaged myself dozens of times to give myself the opposite of what I want as a result. I have feared succeeding and let me tell ya.. its bullshit. I was always so scared of succeeding. What if people didn't like me cause I was so good? Weird huh? Hard lessons have given me the strength to fight through ANYTHING. The last thing I care about now is what anyone else thinks. A whole lot of people say that, but I MEAN IT. God is the only one I have to answer to and Ive already begged for forgiveness for the 246,096 shitty things Ive done (didn't know I could count that high). Other people can sabotage you and leave your life lacking that beautiful shine if you allow them to.. steal your light and joy. Unfortunately I am here to tell you that the biggest majority of people you come across are going to want to see you miserable and fail horribly. They are miserable, hateful beings themselves. They will probably never take accountability for what they do to others so don't waste time with them. Unhappy, bitter people bitch, complain, and judge for no good reason other than to serve their own selfish insecurities. Fuck them! I am so confident now in who I am as a person with my character that it doesn't even make me falter. I make mistakes everyday and fix them. Power is within you to make any change necessary to create crazy cool amounts of happiness! Surround yourself with ones that lift you up. Anyone pulling you down is self serving and they need to go down the road.
I have had so many things taken away from me and it still continues to happen even when I have nothing left to take. When you're vulnerable you are susceptible to hurtful events and treatment cause others see you as an opportunity to help themselves. I understand that I cant have everything thing I want right now or maybe never but learning to cope with fuckers taking from me cause of their own selfish shit is like swallowing battery acid! There are a few things that I want so badly right now and I can do nothing about. Its right there teasing me but just out of reach.. BUT I am not going to take it out on innocent bystanders. For a mean, spoiled girl that sucks! Luckily I'm not nearly as spoiled.. or mean, as I once was so I can accept it no matter how much I don't like it. I do know that I will not give up if there is an ounce of a possibility for me to get it. I do not settle for the next best. Neither should you! Mediocrity is so boring! Keep moving forward and use your 'meantime' to improve yourself. Beauty starts on the inside! Yeah, yeah.. Heather's cliche bullshit again. ;) You know I'm right, and I am your reminder. You love me or you wouldn't keep telling me.  Heather 142, you 0
Swallow your foolish pride cause its doing no one any favors. Humility is a beautiful thing. Possibilities are endless especially once you humble yourself.
I am going to still pout about what I want and do not have a few times a day and then I will slap on a huge smile and remind myself that I wouldn't want to be in any shoes other than my own. Pants are a completely different item. ;)

I'm out cause I'm finally tired.. Dance Party USA does it every time! Sorry for the slapped together blog.. kinda.