What is up..

I haven't had a real post for a bit.. I know. I haven't really felt like writing. I am super bored today and I still don't feel like writing so this could possibly really suck to read but if you aren't intelligent enough to piece it together than you shouldn't be reading my blog anyhow. See?.. I'm already being a dick. I usually write these just to entertain myself. I have been screwin around on line all day.. to entertain myself. Ugh! I am a little pissed about how things have been going. Ive been emotional. I am actually depressed I think. I'm eating horribly and breaking out! WTF? I'll get over it and its not a big deal.. I am working through my feelings and I am fully aware that some shit ya just cant control or change. You definitely cant control other people's actions or behavior but you can control your own reactions. I got myself into way too much hot water reacting wrong to others and WOW.. not worth one second of it. The people that hurt you carry on with their lifes and could give a shit less about how you feel about it so you best be prepared. That's cause they are selfish fucks that have never had to truly suffer.. or vindictive manipulators (takes one to know one, or so I hear), and they probably don't really have love for you anyhow. Ive established that I have learned some hard lessons but I am very happy with who I am from it. It is so true that you will have the most miserable time going through the most growth in your life.
I am a bad ass woman.. possibly even a bitch but not nearly the bitch Karma is.

Lets clarify.. I am single by CHOICE cause I am not going to settle or jump into anything. I am far from hard up. Don't think you are doing me any favors with your deluded idea of your self importance. I am not impressed. Take a listen to the song "Make Me Proud" by Drake.. that's kinda me. I am definitely not looking to hurt anyone either so I am mindful of my actions. I sure as hell don't need to be with someone that bad. I am proud of the fact that I can be by myself and make the most of it, but I am humble enough to admit that I am totally lonely and would love to fall in love. I really miss sex and intimacy. I want a best friend and life partner absolutely. I will not go through another divorce. The last one almost killed me.. I will bury the mother fucker in the back yard before I allow that bullshit again.
I am going to be worked for. I know I am worth it. You really do teach people how to treat you. Men are a little lazy. I can understand if they just aren't into ya but when they sing your praises then don't really act on it.. I am confused. You want to drive a Ferrari then you better be prepared for the responsibilities of owning one. I don't expect them to walk a tight rope for me but put in some time and effort. Time is one of the best ways to show love. I guess it is a bit of a tight rope to find the balance to not be smothering, but attentive.
Guys.. you want a lady, then act like a fucking gentleman. You just may also get the whore in the bedroom with it as a bonus. ;)

Woman's physique.. I'm pretty disappointed. I was seriously thinking this could be an option but as of now.. no way! These are woman that look fantastic off stage but on.. I am really unimpressed. Lets be honest.. its a bit dull. Its definitely not what I thought it would be. I thought this would be a way for me to be what I want but this is not looking like IT. Where is the in between? Its figure without the heels. There are a few woman that are a tad more muscular and more cut than figure but not too many. I'm not going to keep stating what I don't like cause people will get ass hurt and take everything so fucking personal. I absolutely don't mean to take away from the woman that are doing it right now cause they have stunning, beautiful bodies but I am not happy with what WP is turning out to be for competitive reasons. I know its still a big question if I will end up on stage next year but most likely I will. I'm still not going to say for sure. I am super happy and refocused. I totally disagree with the new point system for qualification. It may be fine for figure, bikini... but not for bb. I wont give up my life to compete constantly. I know my boundaries and limitations. I am almost 100% restored to who I was before all the crazy critical pressure kicked in and I will not give that up.
Theres so many flaky, wishy washy people in the industry that wont stand their ground and constantly worry about everyone else. Or the people that want to control everyone elses lives and just expect everyone to conform to their idea of what is right. This is a recipe for disaster with me.. I am not meant to be a conformist. You CAN be a good, if not excellent person and still have an opinion and boundaries.
By the way.. if you are letting people tell you what to think and how to act.. you are a pussy. May want to check into a spine implant.


I'm closing with the lyrics from one of my favorite kick ass songs by Disturbed. I love music lyrics and relate them to everything in life.. that is what they are about. And by the way.. if I do criticize something.. its not for nothing. ;)

Just stop enough of the limitless critical comments on my life
Just drop the judgment and all of your pseudo-involvement in my life
Step back a moment, and look at the miracle starting in our life
Don't stop the moment, and let the incredible happen knowing that

All that you want is to criticize
Something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
To be the best in the world

Just stop with all of your little deliberate problems with my life
Enough of all the crippling, terrible pain we feel inside
Step back a moment, remember how the miracle started in our life
Take back the torment; I won't be enjoying this moment knowing that

All that you want is to criticize
Something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
I know that
All that we want is to feel inside
Some kind of comfort
And all that we've done
We can hide
We'll be the best in the world

All I ever wanted was to be a real source of compassion
From the moment that we found ourselves drowning in
All I ever wanted was to be a real source of compassion
From the moment that we found ourselves drowning in

All that you want is to criticize
Something for nothing
And all that I want is forgiveness one more time
I know that
All that we want is to feel inside
Some kind of comfort
And all that we've done
We can hide
We'll be the best in the world
We'll be the best in the world
Just stop enough of the limitless critical comments on my life
Just drop the judgment and all of your pseudo-involvement in my life