Sex and the single girl

That title got your attention. Sex and the city didn't seem right and I am not Carrie Bradshaw. What woman can't relate to the STC characters though? I am a little Carrie and a little Samantha. Ironically I am typing this while a STC marathon is on. Oh perfect! About dating 20 somethings. LOL
Love and the single girl may be more appropriate. So you want to hear what I have to say about dating/relationships? LOL First, read the fine print... THIS IS NOT DIRECTED TOWARDS ANYONE PERSONALLY, past, present.. possibly future though. ;) I am not trying to give advice.. just some insight and observations I've made. I don't know if I really have any direction here so good luck following. I am definitely no expert on the subject either.
Ive been single for 2 years now and I think I'm finally ready to take someone seriously. I do believe in love cause I know nothing feels better.. NOTHING. I have had almost every high and love is by far the best. But its hard to take guys seriously when they are so lazy. Men will work for their careers, their bodies, their egos in general but work for a woman? To really love a woman, and to really care for her deeply even above yourself is one of the most rewarding gifts you could ever experience. Woman are amazing creatures that will give and give and give. Men are wonderful.. I love men. They're strong, sexy, smart, and smell fantastic. Their ignorance gets them in trouble. They just don't get it when it comes to dating. Don't ever expect more from someone than you are willing to give of yourself. I was lazy and selfish in the past myself. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20 right? There is nothing wrong with expecting your partner to be true to their word but don't expect them to give more than you are. When a man is obviously crazy in love with a woman I wonder what it is that that woman possess that drives that man so? It's fascinating. Madonna's new movie WE, she said that is why she was so intrigued by the story; this man was willing to give up a throne for the woman he loved.

Dating has gotten a bad rap. It's called a nightmare, crazy, scary.. yup, Ive called it all of those. Its actually not so bad if you go into with the right perception and attitude. Perception IS everything. Its kind of an adventure and can be entertaining and fun. The part that still sucks for me personally is that I am not crazy about finding a soul mate, starting a family at 34. I attract younger guys so maybe its not as bad as I think. Just need to change my perception. ;) My other issue is that people know who I am cause Ive put myself out there publicly. No I'm not a movie star or rock star although I have played one in real life from time to time, but my life has had some level of exposure. It can make me feel awkward. I feel its a little unfair cause I am a bit of an open book but I know nothing about the other person. People are excellent at deception. Find the deception and you'll know the direction of their moral compass. I think when people start dating they are too desperate and have way too many expectations. They haven't gotten over the 'oh shit, I'm alone and scared' hump. If you have really taken the time to get to know yourself, know what you are looking for, and really are OK to be.. ugh, alone.. you don't wont be so 'desperate'. Desperation (among other things) leads to settling... settling for someone/something that you don't really want. Your perception of the person may be skued according to the circumstances under which you met or who they or you were trying to be. Then you want to change them, they want to change you and you have a disaster. Commonly, people are so sick of dating or don't want to do it at all so they just jump into whatever seems to be convenient to not be alone. I get that.. alone sucks, dating can suck. OR you're like me and you rather be alone to avoid being hurt or hurting someone so you kinda make yourself unavailable. Dating is shopping. If you aren't clear on what you are shopping for you may find yourself in a disaster.

Ive had people ask me out that I gotta wonder; WHY would they ask me out? I instantly wonder why they think we would make a match. Honestly.. why would they think I would be attracted to them???Maybe they know something I don't or I have REALLY let myself go. LOL I use to be extremely arrogant like this. Like how dare you think I would like you. Forget he's not that into you, how bout shes just not that into you? Now, I really do live with a open heart and mind so I don't react like I would've in the past. I actually put some thought into possibilities. Still, the fact remains, chemistry is chemistry and you like what you like. I have been in relationships where I have done everything to convince myself that it could last even though I didn't have that physical connection that I was craving cause they were super good to me or we got along so well. Doesn't mean that anyone should be with a jerk cause the physical is amazing. For me, being a jerk makes you so ugly that it can cancel out anything physical. Chances are if there is not a strong initial attraction, it wont work. Looks are definitely not everything but its interesting how men think for some reason they can have a 10 when they are a 3. I have a friend that is super nice, thoughtful, fun but not physically in the best shape yet he is very opinionated on the appearance of woman. I just laugh at his comments but it is a little frustrating. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. This is where my wish list of wants gets tricky. I am attracted to interesting, muscular physiques but most of those are ironically some of the most messed up and insecure people. I am done with 'messed up', and insecure is a huge turn off. We all have some insecurities but the obvious kind that is just overkill strong it's so unsexy. Why is kindness, sense of humor, physical attraction, sexual compatibility, spirituality, intellectual compatibility, ethics, open communication, commitment, honestly, loyalty, and love too much to ask? If your gonna dream, dream big. :)

Part of truly loving someone is loving them for who and what they really are. THAT is how a relationship can last. I sincerely believe that is the answer to marital success. Learning to love through changes and grow with them. Things are not always going to be brand new and perfect. If you can love that person even when they are not at their best, things are a little dull, or they just stink.. you may be starting to experience unconditional love. They may not agree with all your views or opinions but that makes life interesting. Differences and diversity is great.. embrace it. Who wants a puppet anyway? Controlling people, that's who and controlling people suck. They are so insecure about their own power that they have to try and control someone else. Fuck that! Democrats and republicans can even make a great match. Look at Arnold and Maria. Maybe not the best example. When you have love and chemistry with someone you really don't care what they think about petty shit. Of course you would like to preferably have the same views on monogamy, raising kids, budgeting, morals, where to live. You will just know what really matters and what doesn't. You will have to learn to sacrifice and tha'ts tough for the selfish. I have read that love begins when someone elses needs come before your own.
Men and woman really are sooooo different it helps to do everything possible to try and understand the opposite sex. Certain books, talk shows, therapy.. the material is out there for you to utilize. Don't be fucking lazy. ;) I have actually taken time to do some of this. A lot of people play the 'damaged' card. If you are so fucking damaged don't waste someone elses time and stop dating you ass! I was for a long time and by no means am I 'fixed'. I am matured and someone who has matured can take bad experiences and turn them into lessons for growth. I just choose not to let it ruin my future or any possible experiences that could be fantastic. We've all known the bitter, angry, damaged person and they are not usually fun. Mistakes are human, its how we learn from them that matters or how we correct them. Maybe a shitty analogy but its like getting HIV and being so bitter and pissed off that you go out, fuck everyone you can to ruin their lives too. Like your irresponsibility or misfortune should be the problem of an innocent victim.
My biggest message is to not give up and hope for the right one no matter how many heartbreaks, mistakes, or disappointments. Be part of the solution not the problem. ;) Be patient and optimistic. Live in the truth and love each other for what they are not what they can do for you. We all have a certain someone out there for us. Ultimately, we were not meant to be alone.
Because I am ADD and bored with the subject and typing for the day I'll leave it there for now. ;) I am very busy.. I have to go jam out to my Bob Marley I just downloaded. Could you be looooved.. could be loved!
To be continued.. maybe.