Sex and the single girl.. continued

I'm going start this 'gentley' with some lovey stuff I was thinking about last night. Lets see how graceful I can write today considering I have broken almost everything I own since I woke up!

We plant seeds to grow and thrive into beautiful plants, but common sense tells us that if we don't have the ideal environment for growth the process will fail. Die. Growth will not be obtained. Children who grow up in loving families sleep better, learn easier, have better self confidence than those who do not have a secure environment full of love. When you provide loving soil for your partner to grow in they will be more likely to flourish with confidence, knowing they are valued and secure. When someone is loved unconditionally over years they are cherished with their needs being met, dreams encouraged, opinions respected, and successes praised. Patience and forgiveness is assured when they fail, and they are free to express themselves without the fear of judgement. They will even weather intense disappointments because of the stability of love. Admit that you would want to be loved like this. Who wouldn't? What kind of environment are you supplying for your mate? What kind of atmosphere or aura do you have to attract a mate? Treat everyone how you want to be treated.. especially your significant other! Create love all around you. Fall in love with as many things as possible. Love destroys fear in the most amazing way. If you are thinking about something/someone you really love, do you feel fear? Absolutely not (and if you still do you are complete selfish fuck and should be ashamed.. I'm just sayin). Gratitude kills resentments. When you feel grateful is there room to feel resentful? NO
Do something about this crap you are carrying around and start really living! I dare you. ;) I loooove Corinthians 13. It is very difficult to fully achieve living this scripture cause I/we are human and extremely imperfect. Like most of the Bible and Christian faith I find it hard to live in the word completely.. the point is to TRY and do it. Be conscious of the effort everyday.
I have been to and through HELL and back a few times over the last 2 years. As much horrible shit has come out of my 'travels', waaaay more fantastic has come out of it. My outlook on life and love is 1000% improved. For that I am grateful everyday! For example, I was for many years, the most unforgiving person. I didn't understand forgiveness or how to achieve it. I'm getting it now. As much as I enjoy nice things they don't control me anymore. Its really tragic that for most people something seriously awful has to happen to wake them up. Myself included.

I have to really be in the mood to blog. When I train I generally think up my best stuff and then forget it cause I'm ADD and a million miles a second. Even if I have great ideas it doesn't mean I will be in the mood to type em. I need to record my ideas, eh? I've always been really creative in thought when I do cardio. Of course that makes sense considering what your brain chemistry does when you are releasing endorphins. Don't expect me to give you a science/chemistry lesson when you have Google access. Today I was feeling a little sassier than usually. I forgot a lot of the racier stuff I was thinking.. damn it. I had some really creative shit to say. I was thinking a whooole lot about sex, which is pretty typical. Super fun subject right? Guys, I feel your pain. I can find a way to put sex into any thought and I don't even mean to. I could be watching HGTV and be thinking about which room in the house they are remodeling I would like to 'use' first. Gotta love that subconscious mind and how it can creep up to the conscious.
I trained for like 2 plus hours today cause honestly, I was enjoying watching myself. Totally in to my sexually charged 80s rock play list, rocken my messy Animal from the Muppet's hairdo, and feeling blissfully happy. Maybe I was subconsciously going for the freshly fucked do.. I don't know. Surely I wasn't aiming to look like Animal? LOL

I am really loving my body nowadays (the hair is questionable.. thank God I am getting it done next week) I love training and I love how I feel. I am embracing my curves even if it is impossible to find clothes. Don't care. Ive been really investing time on my ideas about my self confidence. Ive been pretty open about my lack of confidence. Have you ever asked yourself why you feel insecure about whatever it is that is plaguing you? I just kinda excepted my low self esteem as something that comes with heartbreak and failure; so now I have come up with a lot of shit answers when Ive gotten honest with myself. Almost every time its cause of something someone else has instilled in my head. Someone I don't even know in some cases! In other cases it was someone I cared about, loved, and or sought their approval.. all of the above. Once I realized that nothing will ever be enough to gain that approval I was seeking I stopped fretting so relentlessly. While I'm fretting and beating myself up, they are enjoying their confidence.
Hmm.. ok. Beauty IS.. in the eye of the beholder. ;)

I think working out is super sexy. Everything about it is a turn on. It feels good, it produces those fabulous endorphins, rewarding results, and it is visually stimulating. Did I just say, 'visually stimulating'? It sounded creepy but if you watch someone squat and do it well.. you'll get me. ;) I use to live and sleep with my training partner which was awesome. Now I don't even have a dildo to come home to. So I'm thinking today (ok, everyday).. this sucks! One of the biggest bonuses about being in a relationship is sex. Appreciate it, seriously, appreciate it. Here I am, possibly in my prime and missing it! You may be thinking why am I complaining cause how hard could it possibly be for me to find a fuck buddy. Yeah.. not really my thing cause no, its not that easy. I am fascinated that people can actually do that, and sober. There are so many complications. One big one is emotional.. personally speaking. I like to feel 'special'. Casual sex most likely wont leave you feeling too special. I want to feel like the only girl in the world.. not notch 127. So there you have it, sex and the single girl. YAWN. It is non existent. I know! You thought you were going to get something really juicy. As if I would tell about my sex life.. if I had one.. in a blog.. jeez.
I hate to drop it here cause there is no flow, but it is so past my bed time like 3 hours ago, I'm losing my edge, and I want my sleep. To be continued.