My biggest blessing..

Would be my mom and dad. I'm wide awake letting my brain.. and stomach churn. I know better than to get too lost in pity for what I do not have, I visit but I dont stay there.. but to have gratitude for what I do have. A year ago my parents saved my life when everyone else had given up. I cant say I blame them. I had given up. My parents fought for me and my life. I know that is what parents are suppose to do maybe but you cant possibly know someones true love till it is put to the test. I am not a mom myself so I couldn't know how deep that love is for a child.
Without my mom and dad I don't know where I would be. Truly.. the results would've been devastating. By far worse than what ended up being my rock bottom. At its worst I know they questioned if they were fighting a losing battle with a selfish, immature, little girl that refused to care about anyone else. My parents are not exactly young and they stood next to me with more energy to keep up at 70 and 83 than I had at 33!
Addiction is a vicious killer of everything you love. You are literally killing yourself and silently killing everyone around you. I have now been clean for a year and have made insane revelations in my life all for the absolute best! I have started to grow up.. love and appreciate everything. Because of the person I have become, I cant say that my battle with substance hasn't been a blessing itself. I have an awareness like Ive never known. I love myself.. really love myself for the first time in my life. Everyday I fall in love a little more with a woman that has found self confidence in just being herself, in her own skin (Hence all the pictures of myself. I never would've done that before.. I was too ugly.). I laugh at what I cant change, and appreciate the power to change what I can. I have the wisdom to know the difference due to many tough lessons that kicked the shit out of me. No matter how aware I am of a physical flaw I embrace it and know it makes me, me. My character flaws, I still work on and want to be better, but I am pretty proud those improvements thus far. I'm not going to cry in the corner till I have reached my idea of perfection. I will be mindful of my choices made in the moment that will affect my tomorrow as well as others. Now that I have gotten to know myself.. I don't want to stop living ever again. Life is far too much fun!
"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty."
- Maya Angelou

I love you mom and dad.. you knew I was a butterfly with developing wings. You are extraordinarily kind, generous people. Thank you.