I'm almost not sick!

I am at a loss for a real topic. Damn! I think its cause I haven't been reading or training.. so I'm a little blah. I have been sick for 2 weeks now but it is finally clearing! YAY! I went to the doctor the other day to get medicine. I have been super happy for as sick as I have been for so long. Yesterday I started getting testy. It happens when I cant control something at times when I desperately would like to. I made a promise to myself some time ago to just have fun no matter how shitty I am feeling. So I do.. but I also know when to allow myself to have my down moments.. like today. My heart hurts a little some days. I will even jump on my bed and sing if necessary. I swear by it.. if you are in a shitty mood, jump on your bed and sing. You will feel better right away. LOL You think I'm kidding? If you can teach yourself how to cope with stress it makes a ton of difference (This means without 7 martinis and a handful of valium. The stress is still there when you come to, only now you have a serious headache too.). Nothing is the end of the world when it comes to daily stressors(my word). I am such a passionate and emotional person that there are times I can definitely feel like the world is ending if something is hurting or upsetting me.

Problems don't even effect me like they use to. Problems are only opportunities for growth. Sounds a little cheesy but its true. Something that has really worked for me is to just think of all the things that make me happy and use positive, loving, uplifting words. Affermations! Smile a lot and hugs! Oh, and singing and dancing. ;)

I got my hair did.. back to blond. Duh, I posted pics. I think that is the most eventful thing I did all week. I was pretty freaked about it at first cause its been so long since I've had it light. I really do like it dark too though.

I think I will be headed back to the gym tomorrow. I miss it badly. I have no idea how so many people just don't work out. I am soooo much happier when I am lifting. I can tell that not working out is affecting my attitude. I've been going through a bunch of old pictures.. reminiscing I guess. Its fun to look back on. Flex announced my 'retirement' from competing this month but physique is very much a reality for next year. I have so many good memories from the last decade.. even the not so good stuff is kinda good. Its all been quite the experience. How many people can say they were one of THE BEST in the world at what they do? I get hurt cause I've heard that my success was a lot of genetic luck. Believe me.. I had to know a thing or two and work a bit to be where I was! And.. I can do it again. ;) Aren't superior genetics part of winning in bb? Uh.. yeah. It's always easy to critisize others, isn't it?! I am my own worst critic by far. Now I am a lot kinder in critiquing myself so that makes reminiscing much more enjoyable. When I was still Heather Armbrust 'pro bb' I saw every flaw.. and magnified x 100! It was part of my job to fix flaws to win. I was so focused on what was wrong with my physique I didn't take a minute to enjoy the big picture. I wish I would've.. its not like I can say I have tons to show for all the work and sacrifice. Memories are left. I could be 170lbs size 5, in rocken shape but still ashamed that I wasn't quite good enough. I even dreaded getting in my suit at show time once or twice. At my last Olympia I was backstage.. freaking, putting on my suit and txing my girlfriend that my suit didn't fit cause it made me look fat.. it was cutting into my fat ass, something like that. Fuck that.. next time I slip into a suit I am going live it up and cherish every minute! LOL I hope that I can convay that to other competitors. Just love doing it and be the best YOU you can be. Experiences that involve love can have more value than gold. :)

So I've had some pretty interesting stuff in my inboxes. Thanks for the kindness, love, and support. I do take time to read everything.. just not always get everything back.
To my true friends.. thank you from the bottom of my heart! I will never forget. I thank God for you everyday.