Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
I'm almost not sick!
I am at a loss for a real topic. Damn! I think its cause I haven't been reading or training.. so I'm a little blah. I have been sick for 2 weeks now but it is finally clearing! YAY! I went to the doctor the other day to get medicine. I have been super happy for as sick as I have been for so long. Yesterday I started getting testy. It happens when I cant control something at times when I desperately would like to. I made a promise to myself some time ago to just have fun no matter how shitty I am feeling. So I do.. but I also know when to allow myself to have my down moments.. like today. My heart hurts a little some days. I will even jump on my bed and sing if necessary. I swear by it.. if you are in a shitty mood, jump on your bed and sing. You will feel better right away. LOL You think I'm kidding? If you can teach yourself how to cope with stress it makes a ton of difference (This means without 7 martinis and a handful of valium. The stress is still there when you come to, only now you have a serious headache too.). Nothing is the end of the world when it comes to daily stressors(my word). I am such a passionate and emotional person that there are times I can definitely feel like the world is ending if something is hurting or upsetting me.
Problems don't even effect me like they use to. Problems are only opportunities for growth. Sounds a little cheesy but its true. Something that has really worked for me is to just think of all the things that make me happy and use positive, loving, uplifting words. Affermations! Smile a lot and hugs! Oh, and singing and dancing. ;)I got my hair did.. back to blond. Duh, I posted pics. I think that is the most eventful thing I did all week. I was pretty freaked about it at first cause its been so long since I've had it light. I really do like it dark too though.
I think I will be headed back to the gym tomorrow. I miss it badly. I have no idea how so many people just don't work out. I am soooo much happier when I am lifting. I can tell that not working out is affecting my attitude. I've been going through a bunch of old pictures.. reminiscing I guess. Its fun to look back on. Flex announced my 'retirement' from competing this month but physique is very much a reality for next year. I have so many good memories from the last decade.. even the not so good stuff is kinda good. Its all been quite the experience. How many people can say they were one of THE BEST in the world at what they do? I get hurt cause I've heard that my success was a lot of genetic luck. Believe me.. I had to know a thing or two and work a bit to be where I was! And.. I can do it again. ;) Aren't superior genetics part of winning in bb? Uh.. yeah. It's always easy to critisize others, isn't it?! I am my own worst critic by far. Now I am a lot kinder in critiquing myself so that makes reminiscing much more enjoyable. When I was still Heather Armbrust 'pro bb' I saw every flaw.. and magnified x 100! It was part of my job to fix flaws to win. I was so focused on what was wrong with my physique I didn't take a minute to enjoy the big picture. I wish I would've.. its not like I can say I have tons to show for all the work and sacrifice. Memories are left. I could be 170lbs size 5, in rocken shape but still ashamed that I wasn't quite good enough. I even dreaded getting in my suit at show time once or twice. At my last Olympia I was backstage.. freaking, putting on my suit and txing my girlfriend that my suit didn't fit cause it made me look fat.. it was cutting into my fat ass, something like that. Fuck that.. next time I slip into a suit I am going live it up and cherish every minute! LOL I hope that I can convay that to other competitors. Just love doing it and be the best YOU you can be. Experiences that involve love can have more value than gold. :) So I've had some pretty interesting stuff in my inboxes. Thanks for the kindness, love, and support. I do take time to read everything.. just not always get everything back.
To my true friends.. thank you from the bottom of my heart! I will never forget. I thank God for you everyday.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Ms. International
I am soooooo sick! I have been sick most of the winter. It's a real downer. You take feeling good for granted till you get sick. I had a rough week but my weekend got much better. I'm sure I got sicker cause I didn't really rest and did some running around. I fantasize about warm weather and beaches.
Iris actually got injured? That is crazy. She's the bionic woman. So now it leaves it kinda open at the Arnold to a few different possibilities for a new Ms. I. You asked what I thought about the competition and since I wont be there obviously someone else will win. lol I haven't followed the scene since I left but I am a bit now cause I do love it and I am still interested. Because I haven't been watching I am not familiar with everyone competing now. Its kinda nice being on this side and not being a competitor.
I think its really hard to say who will win this year cause you can never tell who's going to come in how and how some physiques are going to look once compared to others. A lot of bb look fantastic standing alone but not so much next to another. Yaxeni is a given to look gorgeous. She is most likely to win. She has set a standard over the years. I think Alina may give her a bit of competition. Debi is definitely a judge favorite cause she's in shape. Alina will definitely be in shape and I think she has better lines. She is all and all stunning. I hope Tina is top 6 cause she has improved so much and deserves it. I think she will be and of course Cathy always looks amazing. I really like Zoas physique and Brigita from what I have seen. I am personally partial to Kim too. I think she is beautiful.
The guys will be interesting. I think it will be Branch but Evan will look awesome I'm sure. I love Dennis Wolfe. I wish I could be there, its going to be a good show, but there is next year and I will definitely be there when I am ready. I love the AC weekend! I wish for all the ladies to do well and have a fantastic time. Enjoy the experience.. not everyone gets it so it is a blessing.
Iris actually got injured? That is crazy. She's the bionic woman. So now it leaves it kinda open at the Arnold to a few different possibilities for a new Ms. I. You asked what I thought about the competition and since I wont be there obviously someone else will win. lol I haven't followed the scene since I left but I am a bit now cause I do love it and I am still interested. Because I haven't been watching I am not familiar with everyone competing now. Its kinda nice being on this side and not being a competitor.
I think its really hard to say who will win this year cause you can never tell who's going to come in how and how some physiques are going to look once compared to others. A lot of bb look fantastic standing alone but not so much next to another. Yaxeni is a given to look gorgeous. She is most likely to win. She has set a standard over the years. I think Alina may give her a bit of competition. Debi is definitely a judge favorite cause she's in shape. Alina will definitely be in shape and I think she has better lines. She is all and all stunning. I hope Tina is top 6 cause she has improved so much and deserves it. I think she will be and of course Cathy always looks amazing. I really like Zoas physique and Brigita from what I have seen. I am personally partial to Kim too. I think she is beautiful.
The guys will be interesting. I think it will be Branch but Evan will look awesome I'm sure. I love Dennis Wolfe. I wish I could be there, its going to be a good show, but there is next year and I will definitely be there when I am ready. I love the AC weekend! I wish for all the ladies to do well and have a fantastic time. Enjoy the experience.. not everyone gets it so it is a blessing.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Tuesday
I love Valentines day! It really is just another Tuesday. Love should be celebrated everyday! I am a little depressed today though. I am coming down sick AGAIN so I'm just going to pamper myself and bundle up.. no hot date for me. I am appreciative of the love and relationships I do have. A part of me would like to be in a relationship on days like this. I am a very playful person and I miss having a playmate. I just sat down on the kitchen floor and ate a half loaf of bread with butter and honey! That is me pouting. I am completely broken out with zits on my face that wont go away! I'm not stressed and I drink tons of water but I do have a caffeine problem. I'm not use to getting zits. Instead of finding another grey hair (yes I do have plenty and I love them), I find a new wrinkle! At least you can pluck the grey! I should have a bunch of stuff to say about love and relationships but I am kinda stumped. Like I haven't being rambling enough. Practice some self love so you can be healthy to give to others. I found a really neat app called The Love Dare. It is a beautiful daily reminder of how to live for your spouse and be the best partner possible.
I did have a point to what I was writing about yesterday. What triggered all my thoughts was thinking of New Years resolutions. I had never really attempted to make any before this year. The last year has been just investing and reflecting on who I was and who I want to be. I have been full of resolutions, from understanding forgiveness, to being more aware of the words I use. There has been a lot of change and for the better if I do say so myself. I think it is very rare for people to change so I'm pretty proud of what my stubborn ass has done. I realized just how self absorbed I use to be. I read.. on a wall one day, to be more worried about being interested than interesting. I loved that. I thought just by putting action to this simple little statement it could lead to so many other positive things. That was my big resolution and I've been pretty successful with dedication to doing so. I have been able to be more interested in others and it makes me completely happy. I have found when I put my focus more on others I don't give a shit so much what anyone thinks of me. Not taking shit personal is completely fantastic! If you're talking about me.. negative or positive; thanks, the content of what you are saying says more about you than me. I am flattered but I'm sure there is more constructive stuff to put energy into. ;) Self absorption, false sense of importance.. is fucking ugly. I realized my self centered behavior was only making me more insecure. Whoa! That is why I think so many bb are so insecure, cause they are fucking narcissistic! I am so embarrassed at how bad I was. I am well aware that I don't look like other woman and it's been that way since I was little so I've always been very much the center of attention. That doesn't always translate into a good thing.
So one way to be more interested is volunteer work. Give of yourself. The one thing we cannot get more of is time. Our time is limited. To give your time is a enormous gift.. priceless. I am doing a kitty cat shelter but I am wanting to find something with kids. I loooove kids. They are so much fun and real. I am just a big kid so I can totally hang. Even if you can find something just once a month, do it! It blesses you with a sense of peace and well being.
I have had a love hate relationship with Facebook. Like with almost everything else like that in my life I have learned to leave what I don't like and take what I do like and focus on that. Facebook is a brilliant way to connect. I now take time to be interested in what is going on with my 'friends'. I am more humanly connected through compassion so I sincerely care about other peoples lives. No, I will not let Facebook take over my social life, but I know how to accept and use it as a positive tool. It has however had plenty of seriously negative effects on me. That maybe where the hate comes in. I discovered a real love for people once I stopped focusing on the negative, dark, ugly side. I am a realist by nature but my perspective has drastically improved on how to view reality. I thought that texting and Facebook was dehumanizing interaction cause I wanted to focus on what was wrong with it rather than what was right. People do misuse it and do stupid shit LIKE pose as someone they are not! Pathetic.. really.
I watched a CNBC special on Mark Zuckerburg which debated all sides of Facebooks impact. No matter how you feel about Facebook it's very real and its not going away EVER. I have yet to jump on Twitter cause I dont want to be too consumed. Eventually maybe. I got some peer pressure setting in. LOL I already live on my computer and phone too much.
OooooEquador. I was excited to find it. :) I think my first trip is going to be San Diego in July though.
Happy Valentines Day! Remember to love the people in your life for who they are and show them each chance you get. You may not get another one. All my love with BIG HUGS! Thank you for your support and showing me your love!
I did have a point to what I was writing about yesterday. What triggered all my thoughts was thinking of New Years resolutions. I had never really attempted to make any before this year. The last year has been just investing and reflecting on who I was and who I want to be. I have been full of resolutions, from understanding forgiveness, to being more aware of the words I use. There has been a lot of change and for the better if I do say so myself. I think it is very rare for people to change so I'm pretty proud of what my stubborn ass has done. I realized just how self absorbed I use to be. I read.. on a wall one day, to be more worried about being interested than interesting. I loved that. I thought just by putting action to this simple little statement it could lead to so many other positive things. That was my big resolution and I've been pretty successful with dedication to doing so. I have been able to be more interested in others and it makes me completely happy. I have found when I put my focus more on others I don't give a shit so much what anyone thinks of me. Not taking shit personal is completely fantastic! If you're talking about me.. negative or positive; thanks, the content of what you are saying says more about you than me. I am flattered but I'm sure there is more constructive stuff to put energy into. ;) Self absorption, false sense of importance.. is fucking ugly. I realized my self centered behavior was only making me more insecure. Whoa! That is why I think so many bb are so insecure, cause they are fucking narcissistic! I am so embarrassed at how bad I was. I am well aware that I don't look like other woman and it's been that way since I was little so I've always been very much the center of attention. That doesn't always translate into a good thing.
So one way to be more interested is volunteer work. Give of yourself. The one thing we cannot get more of is time. Our time is limited. To give your time is a enormous gift.. priceless. I am doing a kitty cat shelter but I am wanting to find something with kids. I loooove kids. They are so much fun and real. I am just a big kid so I can totally hang. Even if you can find something just once a month, do it! It blesses you with a sense of peace and well being.
I have had a love hate relationship with Facebook. Like with almost everything else like that in my life I have learned to leave what I don't like and take what I do like and focus on that. Facebook is a brilliant way to connect. I now take time to be interested in what is going on with my 'friends'. I am more humanly connected through compassion so I sincerely care about other peoples lives. No, I will not let Facebook take over my social life, but I know how to accept and use it as a positive tool. It has however had plenty of seriously negative effects on me. That maybe where the hate comes in. I discovered a real love for people once I stopped focusing on the negative, dark, ugly side. I am a realist by nature but my perspective has drastically improved on how to view reality. I thought that texting and Facebook was dehumanizing interaction cause I wanted to focus on what was wrong with it rather than what was right. People do misuse it and do stupid shit LIKE pose as someone they are not! Pathetic.. really.
I watched a CNBC special on Mark Zuckerburg which debated all sides of Facebooks impact. No matter how you feel about Facebook it's very real and its not going away EVER. I have yet to jump on Twitter cause I dont want to be too consumed. Eventually maybe. I got some peer pressure setting in. LOL I already live on my computer and phone too much.
OooooEquador. I was excited to find it. :) I think my first trip is going to be San Diego in July though.
Happy Valentines Day! Remember to love the people in your life for who they are and show them each chance you get. You may not get another one. All my love with BIG HUGS! Thank you for your support and showing me your love!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Monday
I love Monday! Even if I did get some SHIT news today and I'm totally pissed.
Last night I had the strangest dream
I sailed away to China
In a little row boat to find ya
And you said you had to get your laundry cleaned
Didn't want no-one to hold you
What does that mean
And you said
Ain't nothin' gonna to break my stride
Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no
I got to keep on movin'
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride
I'm running and I won't touch ground
Oh-no, I got to keep on movin'
You're on a roll and now you pray it lasts
The road behind was rocky
But now you're feeling cocky
You look at me and you see your past
Is that the reason why you're runnin' so fast
And she said
LMAO! Oh jeez.. those lyrics just popped in my head when I was starting this. :) I know, I amuse myself.
I gotta say I am so happy that Adele cleaned up Grammys last night. I absolutely love that girl. I identify with her personality and I really identify on a personal level with the album 21. She wrote it when she was 21 due to a break up. When I was 21 my lyrics would've been construed of 'fuck yous', and name calling. She dug a little deeper obviously, to give the lyrics on the album some real meaning. Not that fuck you doesn't have meaning. It definitely still gets the point across. Seriously, download it if you haven't. It is fantastic. I don't know if Ive ever actually watched the Grammys which is odd considering my love for music. Half of it was snore though. I will never understand how Springsteen ever became a famous singer. UGH! Sick needles in my ears! I thought the Beach Boys were awesome. I was grinning from ear to ear. Paul McCartney.. I will never get it. Elevator music man! Chris Brown was good.. love that song Beautiful People. I liked Katy Perry too even though I think she's too 'bubble gum' pop.. her new song is cool. Adele definitely stole the show.
Whintey Houston.. damn, sad but not a big surprise I guess. You abuse drugs long enough it will kill you. I am mortified to think about what damage I may have done and blessed that I am still alive. Long term side effects are still relevant even if I did live through the worst part. Drugs are bad mmm kaaay? It reminds me of something I saw on Real Sports recently. The NFL uses an injectable drug called toradol to mask pain on the field. Toradol is meant for short term use but that is not how the NFL is using it. The side effects and long term sides have been cloudy with the players.. kidney failure, heart/circulation problems, blood thinning(not good if you get a concussion on the field). The doctors haven't really disclosed the facts. I suppose anymore its just common sense that drugs have sides since the have a billion commercials for the shit. My point is.. they asked one player that uses it every game if he knew of the sides and he said no. After they informed him they asked if he would keep using it and he said definitely. We have a sense of immortality and living for the moment, who cares what may happen in a year or two? VERY few people. I was invincible like that for years. Death, disease, broken relationships.. fuck it. Drugs are a fact of life.. they have their place when used properly. Alcohol is completely socially excepted and totally fine in responsible moderation. Its the abuse that is the problem. Abuse destroys.
I heard of someone found in their apartment dead last week. He was struggling with pain killer addiction.
I have a group therapy on Monday nights. I love it. Its a fun group and the people accept and maybe even appreciate my personality. I am practicing putting my over opinionated mouth on ice but there is a time and place.. in therapy I let it fly. Whatever filter I do have I can remove in there. I am shy AT FIRST in all situations but once I warm up I relax. It has to do with acceptance. Acceptance is the first and biggest human desire, need. Rejection being our biggest fear (Remember you can not love when living with fear. If we are walking around fearing rejection it makes it hard to set ourselves aside to give our love freely). Even starting this blog I was a little shy at first. The more accepted and received I am the more I open up. But when it comes to the content of my blog I don't really care if you agree with it.. I care if you accept that I am an individual with a voice, something to say, and you respect that. Better yet, that you like me for it. I hope I do challenge what you think and believe. I'm not sure where I was going with this now.. shit. My point that got way off track is that Ramen noodles are by far better than Cup a Noodles because of the consistency of the noodle. One is fatter and firmer and the other is thinner and mushier. Yeah, no.. that wasn't it either, but I do really feel that way in case you ever wondered where I stood on packaged noodles.
LOL I'm kinda kidding. Quality not quantity, right? I practice being fair, compassionate, forgiving, FUN, and true. Yeah, WTF?.. being good is hard work. Out of all the therapy I have done over the years of fighting whatever I thought was making me unhappy, finding peace via brutal life lessons has been the most effective and rewarding. I even tried hypnotherapy! Its kinda like this.. you most likely wont empathize with the bum on the corner, out of work with no family to help out if you yourself have always had job security and a close, supportive family. Even if you say you do, I guarantee until you have been in the bums shoes for a few miles and have his full story, you don't have a genuine appreciation for the true difficulties of being a broke bum. I had to suffer through some real ordeals to understand who I really was and wanted to be. When the smoke from all the destruction and damage clears there is nothing but a mirror with a reflection that needs a long hard look. Till I was ready to invest in my reflection, no amount of therapy was going to do shit.
I'll continue my soap box tomorrow cause I am soooo sleepy.. night, night!
Last night I had the strangest dream
I sailed away to China
In a little row boat to find ya
And you said you had to get your laundry cleaned
Didn't want no-one to hold you
What does that mean
And you said
Ain't nothin' gonna to break my stride
Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no
I got to keep on movin'
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride
I'm running and I won't touch ground
Oh-no, I got to keep on movin'
You're on a roll and now you pray it lasts
The road behind was rocky
But now you're feeling cocky
You look at me and you see your past
Is that the reason why you're runnin' so fast
And she said
LMAO! Oh jeez.. those lyrics just popped in my head when I was starting this. :) I know, I amuse myself.
I gotta say I am so happy that Adele cleaned up Grammys last night. I absolutely love that girl. I identify with her personality and I really identify on a personal level with the album 21. She wrote it when she was 21 due to a break up. When I was 21 my lyrics would've been construed of 'fuck yous', and name calling. She dug a little deeper obviously, to give the lyrics on the album some real meaning. Not that fuck you doesn't have meaning. It definitely still gets the point across. Seriously, download it if you haven't. It is fantastic. I don't know if Ive ever actually watched the Grammys which is odd considering my love for music. Half of it was snore though. I will never understand how Springsteen ever became a famous singer. UGH! Sick needles in my ears! I thought the Beach Boys were awesome. I was grinning from ear to ear. Paul McCartney.. I will never get it. Elevator music man! Chris Brown was good.. love that song Beautiful People. I liked Katy Perry too even though I think she's too 'bubble gum' pop.. her new song is cool. Adele definitely stole the show.
Whintey Houston.. damn, sad but not a big surprise I guess. You abuse drugs long enough it will kill you. I am mortified to think about what damage I may have done and blessed that I am still alive. Long term side effects are still relevant even if I did live through the worst part. Drugs are bad mmm kaaay? It reminds me of something I saw on Real Sports recently. The NFL uses an injectable drug called toradol to mask pain on the field. Toradol is meant for short term use but that is not how the NFL is using it. The side effects and long term sides have been cloudy with the players.. kidney failure, heart/circulation problems, blood thinning(not good if you get a concussion on the field). The doctors haven't really disclosed the facts. I suppose anymore its just common sense that drugs have sides since the have a billion commercials for the shit. My point is.. they asked one player that uses it every game if he knew of the sides and he said no. After they informed him they asked if he would keep using it and he said definitely. We have a sense of immortality and living for the moment, who cares what may happen in a year or two? VERY few people. I was invincible like that for years. Death, disease, broken relationships.. fuck it. Drugs are a fact of life.. they have their place when used properly. Alcohol is completely socially excepted and totally fine in responsible moderation. Its the abuse that is the problem. Abuse destroys.
I heard of someone found in their apartment dead last week. He was struggling with pain killer addiction.
I have a group therapy on Monday nights. I love it. Its a fun group and the people accept and maybe even appreciate my personality. I am practicing putting my over opinionated mouth on ice but there is a time and place.. in therapy I let it fly. Whatever filter I do have I can remove in there. I am shy AT FIRST in all situations but once I warm up I relax. It has to do with acceptance. Acceptance is the first and biggest human desire, need. Rejection being our biggest fear (Remember you can not love when living with fear. If we are walking around fearing rejection it makes it hard to set ourselves aside to give our love freely). Even starting this blog I was a little shy at first. The more accepted and received I am the more I open up. But when it comes to the content of my blog I don't really care if you agree with it.. I care if you accept that I am an individual with a voice, something to say, and you respect that. Better yet, that you like me for it. I hope I do challenge what you think and believe. I'm not sure where I was going with this now.. shit. My point that got way off track is that Ramen noodles are by far better than Cup a Noodles because of the consistency of the noodle. One is fatter and firmer and the other is thinner and mushier. Yeah, no.. that wasn't it either, but I do really feel that way in case you ever wondered where I stood on packaged noodles.
LOL I'm kinda kidding. Quality not quantity, right? I practice being fair, compassionate, forgiving, FUN, and true. Yeah, WTF?.. being good is hard work. Out of all the therapy I have done over the years of fighting whatever I thought was making me unhappy, finding peace via brutal life lessons has been the most effective and rewarding. I even tried hypnotherapy! Its kinda like this.. you most likely wont empathize with the bum on the corner, out of work with no family to help out if you yourself have always had job security and a close, supportive family. Even if you say you do, I guarantee until you have been in the bums shoes for a few miles and have his full story, you don't have a genuine appreciation for the true difficulties of being a broke bum. I had to suffer through some real ordeals to understand who I really was and wanted to be. When the smoke from all the destruction and damage clears there is nothing but a mirror with a reflection that needs a long hard look. Till I was ready to invest in my reflection, no amount of therapy was going to do shit.
I'll continue my soap box tomorrow cause I am soooo sleepy.. night, night!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Sex and the single girl.. continued
I'm going start this 'gentley' with some lovey stuff I was thinking about last night. Lets see how graceful I can write today considering I have broken almost everything I own since I woke up!
We plant seeds to grow and thrive into beautiful plants, but common sense tells us that if we don't have the ideal environment for growth the process will fail. Die. Growth will not be obtained. Children who grow up in loving families sleep better, learn easier, have better self confidence than those who do not have a secure environment full of love. When you provide loving soil for your partner to grow in they will be more likely to flourish with confidence, knowing they are valued and secure. When someone is loved unconditionally over years they are cherished with their needs being met, dreams encouraged, opinions respected, and successes praised. Patience and forgiveness is assured when they fail, and they are free to express themselves without the fear of judgement. They will even weather intense disappointments because of the stability of love. Admit that you would want to be loved like this. Who wouldn't? What kind of environment are you supplying for your mate? What kind of atmosphere or aura do you have to attract a mate? Treat everyone how you want to be treated.. especially your significant other! Create love all around you. Fall in love with as many things as possible. Love destroys fear in the most amazing way. If you are thinking about something/someone you really love, do you feel fear? Absolutely not (and if you still do you are complete selfish fuck and should be ashamed.. I'm just sayin). Gratitude kills resentments. When you feel grateful is there room to feel resentful? NO
Do something about this crap you are carrying around and start really living! I dare you. ;) I loooove Corinthians 13. It is very difficult to fully achieve living this scripture cause I/we are human and extremely imperfect. Like most of the Bible and Christian faith I find it hard to live in the word completely.. the point is to TRY and do it. Be conscious of the effort everyday.
I have been to and through HELL and back a few times over the last 2 years. As much horrible shit has come out of my 'travels', waaaay more fantastic has come out of it. My outlook on life and love is 1000% improved. For that I am grateful everyday! For example, I was for many years, the most unforgiving person. I didn't understand forgiveness or how to achieve it. I'm getting it now. As much as I enjoy nice things they don't control me anymore. Its really tragic that for most people something seriously awful has to happen to wake them up. Myself included.
I have to really be in the mood to blog. When I train I generally think up my best stuff and then forget it cause I'm ADD and a million miles a second. Even if I have great ideas it doesn't mean I will be in the mood to type em. I need to record my ideas, eh? I've always been really creative in thought when I do cardio. Of course that makes sense considering what your brain chemistry does when you are releasing endorphins. Don't expect me to give you a science/chemistry lesson when you have Google access. Today I was feeling a little sassier than usually. I forgot a lot of the racier stuff I was thinking.. damn it. I had some really creative shit to say. I was thinking a whooole lot about sex, which is pretty typical. Super fun subject right? Guys, I feel your pain. I can find a way to put sex into any thought and I don't even mean to. I could be watching HGTV and be thinking about which room in the house they are remodeling I would like to 'use' first. Gotta love that subconscious mind and how it can creep up to the conscious.
I trained for like 2 plus hours today cause honestly, I was enjoying watching myself. Totally in to my sexually charged 80s rock play list, rocken my messy Animal from the Muppet's hairdo, and feeling blissfully happy. Maybe I was subconsciously going for the freshly fucked do.. I don't know. Surely I wasn't aiming to look like Animal? LOL
I am really loving my body nowadays (the hair is questionable.. thank God I am getting it done next week) I love training and I love how I feel. I am embracing my curves even if it is impossible to find clothes. Don't care. Ive been really investing time on my ideas about my self confidence. Ive been pretty open about my lack of confidence. Have you ever asked yourself why you feel insecure about whatever it is that is plaguing you? I just kinda excepted my low self esteem as something that comes with heartbreak and failure; so now I have come up with a lot of shit answers when Ive gotten honest with myself. Almost every time its cause of something someone else has instilled in my head. Someone I don't even know in some cases! In other cases it was someone I cared about, loved, and or sought their approval.. all of the above. Once I realized that nothing will ever be enough to gain that approval I was seeking I stopped fretting so relentlessly. While I'm fretting and beating myself up, they are enjoying their confidence.
Hmm.. ok. Beauty IS.. in the eye of the beholder. ;)
I think working out is super sexy. Everything about it is a turn on. It feels good, it produces those fabulous endorphins, rewarding results, and it is visually stimulating. Did I just say, 'visually stimulating'? It sounded creepy but if you watch someone squat and do it well.. you'll get me. ;) I use to live and sleep with my training partner which was awesome. Now I don't even have a dildo to come home to. So I'm thinking today (ok, everyday).. this sucks! One of the biggest bonuses about being in a relationship is sex. Appreciate it, seriously, appreciate it. Here I am, possibly in my prime and missing it! You may be thinking why am I complaining cause how hard could it possibly be for me to find a fuck buddy. Yeah.. not really my thing cause no, its not that easy. I am fascinated that people can actually do that, and sober. There are so many complications. One big one is emotional.. personally speaking. I like to feel 'special'. Casual sex most likely wont leave you feeling too special. I want to feel like the only girl in the world.. not notch 127. So there you have it, sex and the single girl. YAWN. It is non existent. I know! You thought you were going to get something really juicy. As if I would tell about my sex life.. if I had one.. in a blog.. jeez.
I hate to drop it here cause there is no flow, but it is so past my bed time like 3 hours ago, I'm losing my edge, and I want my sleep. To be continued.
We plant seeds to grow and thrive into beautiful plants, but common sense tells us that if we don't have the ideal environment for growth the process will fail. Die. Growth will not be obtained. Children who grow up in loving families sleep better, learn easier, have better self confidence than those who do not have a secure environment full of love. When you provide loving soil for your partner to grow in they will be more likely to flourish with confidence, knowing they are valued and secure. When someone is loved unconditionally over years they are cherished with their needs being met, dreams encouraged, opinions respected, and successes praised. Patience and forgiveness is assured when they fail, and they are free to express themselves without the fear of judgement. They will even weather intense disappointments because of the stability of love. Admit that you would want to be loved like this. Who wouldn't? What kind of environment are you supplying for your mate? What kind of atmosphere or aura do you have to attract a mate? Treat everyone how you want to be treated.. especially your significant other! Create love all around you. Fall in love with as many things as possible. Love destroys fear in the most amazing way. If you are thinking about something/someone you really love, do you feel fear? Absolutely not (and if you still do you are complete selfish fuck and should be ashamed.. I'm just sayin). Gratitude kills resentments. When you feel grateful is there room to feel resentful? NO
Do something about this crap you are carrying around and start really living! I dare you. ;) I loooove Corinthians 13. It is very difficult to fully achieve living this scripture cause I/we are human and extremely imperfect. Like most of the Bible and Christian faith I find it hard to live in the word completely.. the point is to TRY and do it. Be conscious of the effort everyday.
I have been to and through HELL and back a few times over the last 2 years. As much horrible shit has come out of my 'travels', waaaay more fantastic has come out of it. My outlook on life and love is 1000% improved. For that I am grateful everyday! For example, I was for many years, the most unforgiving person. I didn't understand forgiveness or how to achieve it. I'm getting it now. As much as I enjoy nice things they don't control me anymore. Its really tragic that for most people something seriously awful has to happen to wake them up. Myself included.
I have to really be in the mood to blog. When I train I generally think up my best stuff and then forget it cause I'm ADD and a million miles a second. Even if I have great ideas it doesn't mean I will be in the mood to type em. I need to record my ideas, eh? I've always been really creative in thought when I do cardio. Of course that makes sense considering what your brain chemistry does when you are releasing endorphins. Don't expect me to give you a science/chemistry lesson when you have Google access. Today I was feeling a little sassier than usually. I forgot a lot of the racier stuff I was thinking.. damn it. I had some really creative shit to say. I was thinking a whooole lot about sex, which is pretty typical. Super fun subject right? Guys, I feel your pain. I can find a way to put sex into any thought and I don't even mean to. I could be watching HGTV and be thinking about which room in the house they are remodeling I would like to 'use' first. Gotta love that subconscious mind and how it can creep up to the conscious.
I trained for like 2 plus hours today cause honestly, I was enjoying watching myself. Totally in to my sexually charged 80s rock play list, rocken my messy Animal from the Muppet's hairdo, and feeling blissfully happy. Maybe I was subconsciously going for the freshly fucked do.. I don't know. Surely I wasn't aiming to look like Animal? LOL
I am really loving my body nowadays (the hair is questionable.. thank God I am getting it done next week) I love training and I love how I feel. I am embracing my curves even if it is impossible to find clothes. Don't care. Ive been really investing time on my ideas about my self confidence. Ive been pretty open about my lack of confidence. Have you ever asked yourself why you feel insecure about whatever it is that is plaguing you? I just kinda excepted my low self esteem as something that comes with heartbreak and failure; so now I have come up with a lot of shit answers when Ive gotten honest with myself. Almost every time its cause of something someone else has instilled in my head. Someone I don't even know in some cases! In other cases it was someone I cared about, loved, and or sought their approval.. all of the above. Once I realized that nothing will ever be enough to gain that approval I was seeking I stopped fretting so relentlessly. While I'm fretting and beating myself up, they are enjoying their confidence.
Hmm.. ok. Beauty IS.. in the eye of the beholder. ;)
I think working out is super sexy. Everything about it is a turn on. It feels good, it produces those fabulous endorphins, rewarding results, and it is visually stimulating. Did I just say, 'visually stimulating'? It sounded creepy but if you watch someone squat and do it well.. you'll get me. ;) I use to live and sleep with my training partner which was awesome. Now I don't even have a dildo to come home to. So I'm thinking today (ok, everyday).. this sucks! One of the biggest bonuses about being in a relationship is sex. Appreciate it, seriously, appreciate it. Here I am, possibly in my prime and missing it! You may be thinking why am I complaining cause how hard could it possibly be for me to find a fuck buddy. Yeah.. not really my thing cause no, its not that easy. I am fascinated that people can actually do that, and sober. There are so many complications. One big one is emotional.. personally speaking. I like to feel 'special'. Casual sex most likely wont leave you feeling too special. I want to feel like the only girl in the world.. not notch 127. So there you have it, sex and the single girl. YAWN. It is non existent. I know! You thought you were going to get something really juicy. As if I would tell about my sex life.. if I had one.. in a blog.. jeez.
I hate to drop it here cause there is no flow, but it is so past my bed time like 3 hours ago, I'm losing my edge, and I want my sleep. To be continued.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Hump day email
I said I was having a crumby day so getting this email was perfect. I get a lot of emails about the blog but this one I definitely wanted to share, so with permission I am. I am so grateful to hear from people that were affected positively cause I was a bodybuilder. The days that I question what I did it all for make a little sense. I am well aware of the ways I was unappreciated for my efforts and sacrifices. Its always nice to be appreciated, huh?
I just wanted to take a minute and e-mail you to let you know how big an inspiration you have been in my life. It's great that you're 'back' so to speak. I understand the past few years have been tougher than I or anyone could imagine, but someone with your will, determination and competitive spirit can definitely come out stronger - both literally and figuratively - than before.
>>
>> I'm currently 27 years old, live in Tuscaloosa, Ala. and have two undergrad degrees from UA in Public Relations and Journalism and am currently working on a Masters in PR.
>>
>> I've been training for nearly five years now and have been, for lack of a better term, a full-fledged bodybuilder for the last three months. My dream has always been to be a competitive bodybuilder and I decided this past December to go at it with a full head of steam because it's something that I've always wanted to accomplish; standing on stage, holding a trophy for either winning or placing at a competition.
>>
>> For me, my inspiration comes more from female bodybuilders than it does male bodybuilders.
>>
>> For one, it's much, much tougher - in every sense of the word - for a female to make the decision to become a bodybuilder, and then put in the time and effort to make that a reality. As I've come to understand and appreciate female bodybuilding, your physique and your drive has always been something that I've continually looked towards for inspiration, especially now that I've committed myself to being a bodybuilder.
>>
>> Once again, it's good to hear your voice. Hope all continues to get better and thank you again for being such great to inspiration to aspiring bodybuilders like myself.
>>
>> -RDL
I just wanted to take a minute and e-mail you to let you know how big an inspiration you have been in my life. It's great that you're 'back' so to speak. I understand the past few years have been tougher than I or anyone could imagine, but someone with your will, determination and competitive spirit can definitely come out stronger - both literally and figuratively - than before.
>>
>> I'm currently 27 years old, live in Tuscaloosa, Ala. and have two undergrad degrees from UA in Public Relations and Journalism and am currently working on a Masters in PR.
>>
>> I've been training for nearly five years now and have been, for lack of a better term, a full-fledged bodybuilder for the last three months. My dream has always been to be a competitive bodybuilder and I decided this past December to go at it with a full head of steam because it's something that I've always wanted to accomplish; standing on stage, holding a trophy for either winning or placing at a competition.
>>
>> For me, my inspiration comes more from female bodybuilders than it does male bodybuilders.
>>
>> For one, it's much, much tougher - in every sense of the word - for a female to make the decision to become a bodybuilder, and then put in the time and effort to make that a reality. As I've come to understand and appreciate female bodybuilding, your physique and your drive has always been something that I've continually looked towards for inspiration, especially now that I've committed myself to being a bodybuilder.
>>
>> Once again, it's good to hear your voice. Hope all continues to get better and thank you again for being such great to inspiration to aspiring bodybuilders like myself.
>>
>> -RDL
Hump day
Went and saw Chronicle last night. Entertaining movie.. worth seeing. I so wanted to be one of the characters for real! Maybe subconsciously I do want to have super human powers so that is why I chose to look like it? Whatever. On the cheerleading article (link under 'Can't sleep').. real quick; I was not saying she wasn't natural. I was annoyed at how she went about defending it. She did not get offered a 75k deal if she used anavar. I'm just saying.. I would've loved to have heard that conversation. I would love to know who would've put that offer on the table. I'm sure she looks fantastic and I support her efforts but it was a shit article.
I am having fun blogging, especially hearing how much its being appreciated, but I am still coming out of my shell. I'm kinda full of shit by saying that this is uncensored. If this was truly uncensored I would be really freaking you out. I am very aware that if you don't know me and how I talk.. it may come off wrong reading it on a screen. I need a disclaimer to read my blog maybe? I don't mean to be offensive but I can be I guess. I feel I am misunderstood. I don't always clarify myself enough either. I try to remember that the reader isn't in my head so I cant assume they know what I am thinking or talking about if I don't spell it all out. I'm no English major alright? ;) I get an A for effort. Well.. my A stands for AWESOME, Cause I am.
Trained legs after eating a huge salad.. gross. I am using relatively NO weight (I squat the bar) but its still leg training and it can make me queasy with food in my belly. People in the gym ask me if I'm going to compete again and when I say possibly physique the look puzzled and ask if I will have to lose some size? LOL Not a good sign.
I am having a crumby day so I got a bit of a case of the fuck its. I have bad days still but at least I know how to deal with them and I don't go get fucked up. That is not to say that the temptation isn't there cause sure it is. I still don't want to confront painful wounds but they are not completely healed and they are there. There is a time you got to face it or shit will only get worse. Running doesn't work forever. So, I feel it no matter how much it hurts, cry and let out. I don't have to wake up to the destruction of Heather in the morning either. THAT is way harder to face!
I am having fun blogging, especially hearing how much its being appreciated, but I am still coming out of my shell. I'm kinda full of shit by saying that this is uncensored. If this was truly uncensored I would be really freaking you out. I am very aware that if you don't know me and how I talk.. it may come off wrong reading it on a screen. I need a disclaimer to read my blog maybe? I don't mean to be offensive but I can be I guess. I feel I am misunderstood. I don't always clarify myself enough either. I try to remember that the reader isn't in my head so I cant assume they know what I am thinking or talking about if I don't spell it all out. I'm no English major alright? ;) I get an A for effort. Well.. my A stands for AWESOME, Cause I am.
Trained legs after eating a huge salad.. gross. I am using relatively NO weight (I squat the bar) but its still leg training and it can make me queasy with food in my belly. People in the gym ask me if I'm going to compete again and when I say possibly physique the look puzzled and ask if I will have to lose some size? LOL Not a good sign.
I am having a crumby day so I got a bit of a case of the fuck its. I have bad days still but at least I know how to deal with them and I don't go get fucked up. That is not to say that the temptation isn't there cause sure it is. I still don't want to confront painful wounds but they are not completely healed and they are there. There is a time you got to face it or shit will only get worse. Running doesn't work forever. So, I feel it no matter how much it hurts, cry and let out. I don't have to wake up to the destruction of Heather in the morning either. THAT is way harder to face!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Sex and the single girl
That title got your attention. Sex and the city didn't seem right and I am not Carrie Bradshaw. What woman can't relate to the STC characters though? I am a little Carrie and a little Samantha. Ironically I am typing this while a STC marathon is on. Oh perfect! About dating 20 somethings. LOL
Love and the single girl may be more appropriate. So you want to hear what I have to say about dating/relationships? LOL First, read the fine print... THIS IS NOT DIRECTED TOWARDS ANYONE PERSONALLY, past, present.. possibly future though. ;) I am not trying to give advice.. just some insight and observations I've made. I don't know if I really have any direction here so good luck following. I am definitely no expert on the subject either.
Ive been single for 2 years now and I think I'm finally ready to take someone seriously. I do believe in love cause I know nothing feels better.. NOTHING. I have had almost every high and love is by far the best. But its hard to take guys seriously when they are so lazy. Men will work for their careers, their bodies, their egos in general but work for a woman? To really love a woman, and to really care for her deeply even above yourself is one of the most rewarding gifts you could ever experience. Woman are amazing creatures that will give and give and give. Men are wonderful.. I love men. They're strong, sexy, smart, and smell fantastic. Their ignorance gets them in trouble. They just don't get it when it comes to dating. Don't ever expect more from someone than you are willing to give of yourself. I was lazy and selfish in the past myself. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20 right? There is nothing wrong with expecting your partner to be true to their word but don't expect them to give more than you are. When a man is obviously crazy in love with a woman I wonder what it is that that woman possess that drives that man so? It's fascinating. Madonna's new movie WE, she said that is why she was so intrigued by the story; this man was willing to give up a throne for the woman he loved.
Dating has gotten a bad rap. It's called a nightmare, crazy, scary.. yup, Ive called it all of those. Its actually not so bad if you go into with the right perception and attitude. Perception IS everything. Its kind of an adventure and can be entertaining and fun. The part that still sucks for me personally is that I am not crazy about finding a soul mate, starting a family at 34. I attract younger guys so maybe its not as bad as I think. Just need to change my perception. ;) My other issue is that people know who I am cause Ive put myself out there publicly. No I'm not a movie star or rock star although I have played one in real life from time to time, but my life has had some level of exposure. It can make me feel awkward. I feel its a little unfair cause I am a bit of an open book but I know nothing about the other person. People are excellent at deception. Find the deception and you'll know the direction of their moral compass. I think when people start dating they are too desperate and have way too many expectations. They haven't gotten over the 'oh shit, I'm alone and scared' hump. If you have really taken the time to get to know yourself, know what you are looking for, and really are OK to be.. ugh, alone.. you don't wont be so 'desperate'. Desperation (among other things) leads to settling... settling for someone/something that you don't really want. Your perception of the person may be skued according to the circumstances under which you met or who they or you were trying to be. Then you want to change them, they want to change you and you have a disaster. Commonly, people are so sick of dating or don't want to do it at all so they just jump into whatever seems to be convenient to not be alone. I get that.. alone sucks, dating can suck. OR you're like me and you rather be alone to avoid being hurt or hurting someone so you kinda make yourself unavailable. Dating is shopping. If you aren't clear on what you are shopping for you may find yourself in a disaster.
Ive had people ask me out that I gotta wonder; WHY would they ask me out? I instantly wonder why they think we would make a match. Honestly.. why would they think I would be attracted to them???Maybe they know something I don't or I have REALLY let myself go. LOL I use to be extremely arrogant like this. Like how dare you think I would like you. Forget he's not that into you, how bout shes just not that into you? Now, I really do live with a open heart and mind so I don't react like I would've in the past. I actually put some thought into possibilities. Still, the fact remains, chemistry is chemistry and you like what you like. I have been in relationships where I have done everything to convince myself that it could last even though I didn't have that physical connection that I was craving cause they were super good to me or we got along so well. Doesn't mean that anyone should be with a jerk cause the physical is amazing. For me, being a jerk makes you so ugly that it can cancel out anything physical. Chances are if there is not a strong initial attraction, it wont work. Looks are definitely not everything but its interesting how men think for some reason they can have a 10 when they are a 3. I have a friend that is super nice, thoughtful, fun but not physically in the best shape yet he is very opinionated on the appearance of woman. I just laugh at his comments but it is a little frustrating. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. This is where my wish list of wants gets tricky. I am attracted to interesting, muscular physiques but most of those are ironically some of the most messed up and insecure people. I am done with 'messed up', and insecure is a huge turn off. We all have some insecurities but the obvious kind that is just overkill strong it's so unsexy. Why is kindness, sense of humor, physical attraction, sexual compatibility, spirituality, intellectual compatibility, ethics, open communication, commitment, honestly, loyalty, and love too much to ask? If your gonna dream, dream big. :)
Part of truly loving someone is loving them for who and what they really are. THAT is how a relationship can last. I sincerely believe that is the answer to marital success. Learning to love through changes and grow with them. Things are not always going to be brand new and perfect. If you can love that person even when they are not at their best, things are a little dull, or they just stink.. you may be starting to experience unconditional love. They may not agree with all your views or opinions but that makes life interesting. Differences and diversity is great.. embrace it. Who wants a puppet anyway? Controlling people, that's who and controlling people suck. They are so insecure about their own power that they have to try and control someone else. Fuck that! Democrats and republicans can even make a great match. Look at Arnold and Maria. Maybe not the best example. When you have love and chemistry with someone you really don't care what they think about petty shit. Of course you would like to preferably have the same views on monogamy, raising kids, budgeting, morals, where to live. You will just know what really matters and what doesn't. You will have to learn to sacrifice and tha'ts tough for the selfish. I have read that love begins when someone elses needs come before your own.
Men and woman really are sooooo different it helps to do everything possible to try and understand the opposite sex. Certain books, talk shows, therapy.. the material is out there for you to utilize. Don't be fucking lazy. ;) I have actually taken time to do some of this. A lot of people play the 'damaged' card. If you are so fucking damaged don't waste someone elses time and stop dating you ass! I was for a long time and by no means am I 'fixed'. I am matured and someone who has matured can take bad experiences and turn them into lessons for growth. I just choose not to let it ruin my future or any possible experiences that could be fantastic. We've all known the bitter, angry, damaged person and they are not usually fun. Mistakes are human, its how we learn from them that matters or how we correct them. Maybe a shitty analogy but its like getting HIV and being so bitter and pissed off that you go out, fuck everyone you can to ruin their lives too. Like your irresponsibility or misfortune should be the problem of an innocent victim.
My biggest message is to not give up and hope for the right one no matter how many heartbreaks, mistakes, or disappointments. Be part of the solution not the problem. ;) Be patient and optimistic. Live in the truth and love each other for what they are not what they can do for you. We all have a certain someone out there for us. Ultimately, we were not meant to be alone.
Because I am ADD and bored with the subject and typing for the day I'll leave it there for now. ;) I am very busy.. I have to go jam out to my Bob Marley I just downloaded. Could you be looooved.. could be loved!
To be continued.. maybe.
Love and the single girl may be more appropriate. So you want to hear what I have to say about dating/relationships? LOL First, read the fine print... THIS IS NOT DIRECTED TOWARDS ANYONE PERSONALLY, past, present.. possibly future though. ;) I am not trying to give advice.. just some insight and observations I've made. I don't know if I really have any direction here so good luck following. I am definitely no expert on the subject either.
Ive been single for 2 years now and I think I'm finally ready to take someone seriously. I do believe in love cause I know nothing feels better.. NOTHING. I have had almost every high and love is by far the best. But its hard to take guys seriously when they are so lazy. Men will work for their careers, their bodies, their egos in general but work for a woman? To really love a woman, and to really care for her deeply even above yourself is one of the most rewarding gifts you could ever experience. Woman are amazing creatures that will give and give and give. Men are wonderful.. I love men. They're strong, sexy, smart, and smell fantastic. Their ignorance gets them in trouble. They just don't get it when it comes to dating. Don't ever expect more from someone than you are willing to give of yourself. I was lazy and selfish in the past myself. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20 right? There is nothing wrong with expecting your partner to be true to their word but don't expect them to give more than you are. When a man is obviously crazy in love with a woman I wonder what it is that that woman possess that drives that man so? It's fascinating. Madonna's new movie WE, she said that is why she was so intrigued by the story; this man was willing to give up a throne for the woman he loved.
Dating has gotten a bad rap. It's called a nightmare, crazy, scary.. yup, Ive called it all of those. Its actually not so bad if you go into with the right perception and attitude. Perception IS everything. Its kind of an adventure and can be entertaining and fun. The part that still sucks for me personally is that I am not crazy about finding a soul mate, starting a family at 34. I attract younger guys so maybe its not as bad as I think. Just need to change my perception. ;) My other issue is that people know who I am cause Ive put myself out there publicly. No I'm not a movie star or rock star although I have played one in real life from time to time, but my life has had some level of exposure. It can make me feel awkward. I feel its a little unfair cause I am a bit of an open book but I know nothing about the other person. People are excellent at deception. Find the deception and you'll know the direction of their moral compass. I think when people start dating they are too desperate and have way too many expectations. They haven't gotten over the 'oh shit, I'm alone and scared' hump. If you have really taken the time to get to know yourself, know what you are looking for, and really are OK to be.. ugh, alone.. you don't wont be so 'desperate'. Desperation (among other things) leads to settling... settling for someone/something that you don't really want. Your perception of the person may be skued according to the circumstances under which you met or who they or you were trying to be. Then you want to change them, they want to change you and you have a disaster. Commonly, people are so sick of dating or don't want to do it at all so they just jump into whatever seems to be convenient to not be alone. I get that.. alone sucks, dating can suck. OR you're like me and you rather be alone to avoid being hurt or hurting someone so you kinda make yourself unavailable. Dating is shopping. If you aren't clear on what you are shopping for you may find yourself in a disaster.
Ive had people ask me out that I gotta wonder; WHY would they ask me out? I instantly wonder why they think we would make a match. Honestly.. why would they think I would be attracted to them???Maybe they know something I don't or I have REALLY let myself go. LOL I use to be extremely arrogant like this. Like how dare you think I would like you. Forget he's not that into you, how bout shes just not that into you? Now, I really do live with a open heart and mind so I don't react like I would've in the past. I actually put some thought into possibilities. Still, the fact remains, chemistry is chemistry and you like what you like. I have been in relationships where I have done everything to convince myself that it could last even though I didn't have that physical connection that I was craving cause they were super good to me or we got along so well. Doesn't mean that anyone should be with a jerk cause the physical is amazing. For me, being a jerk makes you so ugly that it can cancel out anything physical. Chances are if there is not a strong initial attraction, it wont work. Looks are definitely not everything but its interesting how men think for some reason they can have a 10 when they are a 3. I have a friend that is super nice, thoughtful, fun but not physically in the best shape yet he is very opinionated on the appearance of woman. I just laugh at his comments but it is a little frustrating. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. This is where my wish list of wants gets tricky. I am attracted to interesting, muscular physiques but most of those are ironically some of the most messed up and insecure people. I am done with 'messed up', and insecure is a huge turn off. We all have some insecurities but the obvious kind that is just overkill strong it's so unsexy. Why is kindness, sense of humor, physical attraction, sexual compatibility, spirituality, intellectual compatibility, ethics, open communication, commitment, honestly, loyalty, and love too much to ask? If your gonna dream, dream big. :)
Part of truly loving someone is loving them for who and what they really are. THAT is how a relationship can last. I sincerely believe that is the answer to marital success. Learning to love through changes and grow with them. Things are not always going to be brand new and perfect. If you can love that person even when they are not at their best, things are a little dull, or they just stink.. you may be starting to experience unconditional love. They may not agree with all your views or opinions but that makes life interesting. Differences and diversity is great.. embrace it. Who wants a puppet anyway? Controlling people, that's who and controlling people suck. They are so insecure about their own power that they have to try and control someone else. Fuck that! Democrats and republicans can even make a great match. Look at Arnold and Maria. Maybe not the best example. When you have love and chemistry with someone you really don't care what they think about petty shit. Of course you would like to preferably have the same views on monogamy, raising kids, budgeting, morals, where to live. You will just know what really matters and what doesn't. You will have to learn to sacrifice and tha'ts tough for the selfish. I have read that love begins when someone elses needs come before your own.
Men and woman really are sooooo different it helps to do everything possible to try and understand the opposite sex. Certain books, talk shows, therapy.. the material is out there for you to utilize. Don't be fucking lazy. ;) I have actually taken time to do some of this. A lot of people play the 'damaged' card. If you are so fucking damaged don't waste someone elses time and stop dating you ass! I was for a long time and by no means am I 'fixed'. I am matured and someone who has matured can take bad experiences and turn them into lessons for growth. I just choose not to let it ruin my future or any possible experiences that could be fantastic. We've all known the bitter, angry, damaged person and they are not usually fun. Mistakes are human, its how we learn from them that matters or how we correct them. Maybe a shitty analogy but its like getting HIV and being so bitter and pissed off that you go out, fuck everyone you can to ruin their lives too. Like your irresponsibility or misfortune should be the problem of an innocent victim.
My biggest message is to not give up and hope for the right one no matter how many heartbreaks, mistakes, or disappointments. Be part of the solution not the problem. ;) Be patient and optimistic. Live in the truth and love each other for what they are not what they can do for you. We all have a certain someone out there for us. Ultimately, we were not meant to be alone.
Because I am ADD and bored with the subject and typing for the day I'll leave it there for now. ;) I am very busy.. I have to go jam out to my Bob Marley I just downloaded. Could you be looooved.. could be loved!
To be continued.. maybe.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Snow days.. yawn!
Egh!!! I am so not a cold weather girl! We got some major snow yesterday. People that are meant to live somewhere like Colorado love it when it snows. I am out of books and can only watch so much bad tv. I did Netflix a movie last night with Vin Diesel.. love him.
I crave warmth. I just don't get snow.. its an inconvenience. I am realizing some dreams that I had stuffed away. I desperately want to learn to surf! And eventually live somewhere I can practice. My next trip will be my first lesson. I looooove the movie Soul Surfer.. even if the acting is a little rough in spots. ;) Its a sweet inspirational story with beautiful footage. I watched Blue Crush yesterday.. A corny surfer movie that totally lost my attention half way through.
I am super app happy. I shop for apps all the time so if you have any suggestions on good ones let me know. I love them! They are so much fun! I'm learning all kinds of mostly useless info. LOL
Ive gotten a lot of email and support/feedback which is awesome and I love hearing from you! Don't ever think that its a problem or silly. Even if you have constructive criticism, suggestions.. bring it on. Again.. I am going to aim to compete again in 2013.. that is not set in stone. The new improved Heather would be interesting to see. I appreciate that and would like to even see it myself but I have to do what is best. I say that and mean it for the first time... and I know what that means now!:) I am working on a different site that I am kinda having a hard time with the direction of. I'm not 100% on how I want to direct it. I'll have new pictures and updates for it by summer.
I'm thinking about writing a blog about my 'single'/'dating' life. Not sure if I want to go there. Touchy topic. I'm just full of observation that I'm dying to say something about. My most annoying is how people behave in a way that THEY are doing YOU a fucking favor by being interested in you! Maybe this is just my experience. LOL Yeah.. just don't! Your false sense of importance is just plain sick! That said... I do believe in love 1000%! LOL Love is awesome.. don't miss out! I'm talking friendship, romantic, family.. all relationships! :)
Superbowl Sunday.. I'm voting for the Dolphins cause Im a huge Dan Marino fan. I especially like him in his Slimgenics commercials. Hehe.. Seriously, I only know that the Giants are playing cause I have a friend that loves the Giants otherwise I wouldn't have a clue who even one team is. I am the ONLY person to grow up in Nebraska and not watch football.
My thoughts on the cheerleader article? How stupid for her to even put out there that she was offered a 75k contract to use anavar! LIAR! She wasn't offered shit! Just another piece from the media to confuse the public about steroid use.
I crave warmth. I just don't get snow.. its an inconvenience. I am realizing some dreams that I had stuffed away. I desperately want to learn to surf! And eventually live somewhere I can practice. My next trip will be my first lesson. I looooove the movie Soul Surfer.. even if the acting is a little rough in spots. ;) Its a sweet inspirational story with beautiful footage. I watched Blue Crush yesterday.. A corny surfer movie that totally lost my attention half way through.
I am super app happy. I shop for apps all the time so if you have any suggestions on good ones let me know. I love them! They are so much fun! I'm learning all kinds of mostly useless info. LOL
Ive gotten a lot of email and support/feedback which is awesome and I love hearing from you! Don't ever think that its a problem or silly. Even if you have constructive criticism, suggestions.. bring it on. Again.. I am going to aim to compete again in 2013.. that is not set in stone. The new improved Heather would be interesting to see. I appreciate that and would like to even see it myself but I have to do what is best. I say that and mean it for the first time... and I know what that means now!:) I am working on a different site that I am kinda having a hard time with the direction of. I'm not 100% on how I want to direct it. I'll have new pictures and updates for it by summer.
I'm thinking about writing a blog about my 'single'/'dating' life. Not sure if I want to go there. Touchy topic. I'm just full of observation that I'm dying to say something about. My most annoying is how people behave in a way that THEY are doing YOU a fucking favor by being interested in you! Maybe this is just my experience. LOL Yeah.. just don't! Your false sense of importance is just plain sick! That said... I do believe in love 1000%! LOL Love is awesome.. don't miss out! I'm talking friendship, romantic, family.. all relationships! :)
Superbowl Sunday.. I'm voting for the Dolphins cause Im a huge Dan Marino fan. I especially like him in his Slimgenics commercials. Hehe.. Seriously, I only know that the Giants are playing cause I have a friend that loves the Giants otherwise I wouldn't have a clue who even one team is. I am the ONLY person to grow up in Nebraska and not watch football.
My thoughts on the cheerleader article? How stupid for her to even put out there that she was offered a 75k contract to use anavar! LIAR! She wasn't offered shit! Just another piece from the media to confuse the public about steroid use.
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